Beyond the Honeymoon Phase

There’s always this one person that comes into our lives who makes us feel a sense of euphoria. Perhaps, it’s that feeling we’ve been longing for a long time now. Finally, we get to do the things we’ve been wanting to do with someone for a very long time.

Over time, we discover that person more and more like how we read a book from cover to cover amazed at every new word we discover and quite dismayed at some of the words with meanings we never fully expected. Each day is a page in someone’s life full of plot twists and elucidations of prior actions. We discover things that make or break our perspective of him. We understand things a bit better now. We do things differently after a while. Because time gives us moments of action, we do things we normally don’t show; most likely in a way that isn’t a character of what we want the other to see even if that mask didn’t totally cover up that face. We eventually stopped playing Jack, and went as Leonardo DiCaprio.

Somehow, some day, or at some point, we become so used to these actions like how we no longer deem a simple holding of hands as a sweet gesture but rather a habit to be done. That one peck on the cheek becomes a bit too simple and “conservative” in context unlike the first time when it truly meant something. In other cases, the traits we used to find endearing become annoying like how being clingy before equated to feeling special and irreplaceable and how it wasn’t as annoying as we remember it. Affectionate actions have become so habitual that we tend to reserve the special moments on special days like monthsaries or anniversaries so we could remember how it truly felt like the first time around.

Then, if we just remember how it was before, things get a bit brighter. Despite the fact that things change, he’s still the person who was there when we needed it the most. Not by the spoiled shallow moments we needed attention, but by the moments that we really needed a shoulder to lean on and a hand to hold on. We did get hurt. We did wallow in sadness because of that person, but on the most part, it was for our own selfish reasons. We are constantly reminded of the negative things like how we see the negative in everyone and yet we fail to see the positive side that outnumber the negatives. We fail to see that because the positive is being shrouded, clouded by that negativity.

Staying in love is a choice rather than a feeling. We are fickle-minded people with Inside Out characters playing inside our head and to constantly rely on our feelings means we’re constantly building a deck of cards with winds that come and go. Remind that fluctuating mind of ours that it’s worth staying. Because when everything becomes too late, we can’t do a ctrl + z to undo the damage we’ve done or a ctrl + c, ctrl + v to have another one like him in our lives once he leaves.


Words for the Person Who Broke My Heart

Fuck you. Typical response for you, for making me feel pathetic, for making me feel that I just wasn’t good enough for anyone, for practically wasting all my time on you when I could have just entertained somebody else. Here’s a middle finger for being such a distraction, and for making me worry about things I shouldn’t have been worried about. Basically, you left me in a very dark place where I began to become so unsure of myself, and I hated how that felt. I hate it. A lot. I do not ever want to go back there again.

Sorry. You broke my heart. Let’s admit that, but I guess part of the reason you did that was because I broke your heart first, and that I didn’t know I had already done it. I transformed into a person that no longer made you happy. I failed to do my part of thinking about you and how you were. Perhaps, up until now, I still thought of my own hurts, my own pains and burdens to bear, and blamed you for everything when I also had my fair share of faults. Sorry if I ever did fail your expectations, and that I became too much to handle.

Thank you. Thank you for the experience, and for teaching me some of the do’s and don’ts that I should have known a long time ago. Perhaps, I became a better version of myself after all we’ve been through. Looks like I could stomach seafood and veggies after all. Thank you for indirectly telling me that it’s not about you nor is it about me, but it’s about “us”, and if “us” doesn’t work then there’s no point in letting it go on. Thank you for making me feel special even in that amount of time. Just because everything ended, doesn’t mean that the feelings we had weren’t real. They were, and I thank you for that kind of happiness you gave me that time, and I’ll be sure to look forward to the next time I’d feel that way albeit with another person and on different circumstances.

People Changing because of “LOVE”

Relationships are a peculiar thing. Perhaps, what makes them most peculiar is that they are mostly founded with Love – a force that is so powerful that it causes a lot of strange things to happen sometimes for the best and other times for the worst. It is inevitable, though, that people do change because of love may it be in an official relationship or not. It’s love that binds them to change their character and eradicate who they once were.

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