I guess it’s just particularly awful when we begin to develop feelings for a person who we weren’t supposed to fall for in the first place. Why would we even subject ourselves to such dilemma? I wish there was a way for us to control our feelings like volumes on remote controls.
I’m not really saying that having some sort of emotional attachment towards people is wrong. I’m just saying that we sometimes attach ourselves too much with the wrong people that by the end of the day, we get hurt and the only person we could blame for is ourselves for the very fact that our pain was caused by our own decisions. No one else pushed us to feel this way nor did we decide to retract our feelings during the first time we’ve felt that we’re already thrusting our complex emotions forward.
We know he’s committed to someone else. We know that they’ve been together for quite some time. We know that there’s only a a remotely slim chance of us getting together despite the circumstances that are present, but we still cling on to that chance. We know it’s wrong. We know we’re on the verge on jumping from the Empire State Building with what we’re doing right now, yet we still pursue such madness. I guess it’s our way of saying that we deserve a bit of happiness too even at the expense of others, even when something inside us eats us bit by bit.
We can always choose to blame others just to convince ourselves that everything wasn’t totally our fault. We can try to blame him and his flirtatious and inviting ways. We can try to reason out that their emotional attachment had faded. We can have all the reasons that we could formulate, and we still could not convince ourselves because we know that what we are doing is conscientious.
I just wish we could hold our emotional side even for just half a minute, so we could take a deep breath and make the rational choice. Regardless of how we may feel like our jealousy, per se, we still don’t hold a candle to the other person. To the one he goes home to everytime he has a choice, to the person that he bangs everytime the opportunity arises. Jealousy’s there, and we can’t tell the person to stop making us feel jealous because the only one holding the control with our emotions is us. Further, our jealousy isn’t even justified in the first place.
I guess, we’re just free to feel this particular way to a certain person. I guess, we just have to stop being selfish, and consider others’ perspectives. I don’t know. Even I’m confused on as to what to feel right now.